Wow. It is really hard to put myself out there again. I am so used to protecting myself and keeping strict boundaries, knowing I could have been potentially tempted by anyone who was nice to me due to being without kindness for so long. Also, the confidence is shaken. And I am not as pretty, young, thin as I used to be...
Actually, the confidence wasn't even there when I was young, pretty and thin, now that I think about it. I have grown so much. I love who I am and how I look. I look for someone who will really love me for who I am and how I look...do not have time or energy for anyone who won't...
I have been on an online LDS dating website for a few months. Tonight was the first time I really chatted online with someone. I have left many past messages unreturned. And nearly all leave my messages unreturned That has been disappointing and humbling. But I keep hoping...
Tonight I chatted with two guys. The first was great. We found many, many things in common -almost too many. His name is my brother's name and my name is his sister's name (one of six sisters - yikes). We both come from families whose children names all start with J's. We went to the same JC and like football and follow BYU sports. We both work with troubled youth...
Feeling confident I started a conversation with a guy who had a great pic of him looking like he was running away from a dinosaur statue. His handle is "bigsxxee". Yes, he is that confident. And he was "working" while chatting with me. Only answered questions, instead of asked them. Found out quickly he was not interested. The story of my life and my marriage actually. I married someone who was just "not the into me." And I will not do it again. I am tempted by and attracted to guys who are not that into me, because somewhere I developed the belief that I don't deserve love.
I mentioned I would tell the story about how my dear friend became my sister in law.
My brother JF was divorced. I mentioned before it was a pretty brutal divorce. His ex is extremely difficult and volitile. I would not wish her on my worst enemy, let alone my best friend. Thusly, when my friend became single, I did not want to set her up with my bro because of his ex.
Fast forward two years, possibly three...I had gone home for a visit. My brother had lost a lot of weight. His jeans looked terrible on him, really loose but held together with a belt so the pants all gathered in. It was not pretty -especially for an F-15 pilot. So, he took me jean shopping... He was a nut. We laughed so hard. We were at Kohl's for over an hour. He was posing. I was giving him tips on jeans that did not make his butt look fat. J/k. His butt looked great. The girl totally thought we were dating...
When I returned home, my frield KO was lamenting her most recent dating experiences...she said, "I just need someone who is a good LDS member (though not uptight) and someone with a great sense of humor and a good job." She described my brother. I told her. Then she and I started fantacizing about it.
Three months later, my brother was in town and I set them up. It was pretty much love at first sight. Their courtship was fast. Everyone panicked a bit. I kept assuring our family on JF's side and friends from her side that each one was amazing and they were perfect for eachother. It had a very meant to be feel. I told my mom two days after their first date that they would get married. They did about 4 months later and are very happy together. They match and click in many, many ways...
In fact, they click in the most important ways: they are two small town, redneck kids who went out into the world made something of themselves; they are faithful LDS members who drink Pepsi on occasion; they both are hillarious; they both have two kids; and they love each other dearly - valuing the whole person. They believe it is better they found each other now instead of in their 20's so they can truly love and appreciate one another, which they do. Their eyes light up - hers as she brags about what a great math tutor he is and how he can and does fix anything. And she rushes to the door when he gets home from work and jumps into his arms with a great big hug and kiss. I have never seen anything like it. I am so happy for them and humbled to have played a small role.
They are hoping to return the favor to me. I love having someone looking out for me. Especially since it is pretty brutal out there...which brings me back to where we started. On of JF's biggest complaints dating was girls who were bitter or hopeless. I remember admiring in my fried KO that she was so "open" to a new relationship. She might have been too open in that she dating some not so great guys but she backed off before making a mistake. I think that is our job as single LDS women: to not be jaded, angry or bitter; to be open but not blind. It is our job not to recreate our old relationship but use this 2nd chance to wait for someone who is the best match for us. It is scary and not a lot of fun. Mostly it is not fun. But looking at my brother and best friend so well matched, it is worth it...
Good luck out there, sistas!
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