Feeling the Grief

I keep remembering the line in the "Families are Forever" video, "I did not get married to get divorced."  I didn't.  I got married to someone with whom I was really in love.  I thought it was forever.  (I was warned though:  as we drove away from the temple, I said to him, "Now you are stuck with me forever!"  His oh-so-romantic reply was, "I don't like to think about that..."  A clue - yeah!  Hello.)

I still wake up in the middle of the night.  Last night I awoke and started to read facebook.  I came across my former spouses brothers' family pictures of their summer vacations.  I also came across the last family picture we took 2 years ago.  Tears came.  The sobs came.  It wasn't supposed to be this way.  But it is.

Acceptance -

It is a very important stage in the Grief Cycle, but it is not the first stage.  My therapist explained it is also not linear - meaning even when we have achieved acceptance, we still can go back to denial or depression.  This has surprised me.  Because I do have good days when I seem to have accepted it and to be moving forward.  Then a photo or someone cleaning out his jetski can send me right back.

Found this online:

• Denial stage: Trying to avoid the inevitable.
• Anger stage: Frustrated outpouring of bottled-up emotion.
• Bargaining stage: Seeking in vain for a way out.
• Depression stage: Final realization of the inevitable.
• Acceptance stage: Finally finding the way forward.

I love the quote attributed to Saint Francis of Assisi,“Lord, grant me the strength to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”   

Acceptance will help us out of anger and depression.  It was not "supposed" to be this way, but it is.  It is. 

At the talk I gave last week at Single Adult Conference, I met an older woman.  She came up to me and told me that she has buried two husbands and was just recently going through a divorce.  She said a divorce has been far more difficult for her.  That validated my suspicion.  Think of the space, love and support we give people who have lost a spouse.  That is the what we need to give ourselves.  This is a very difficult time.  We will come out.  We can come out much stronger and with more faith in God.

I have a prayer and gratitude friend.  We have a daily meditation from God Calling and also a daily thought from Melodie Beattie's book Language of Letting Go.

Today's meditation came in DIRECT and UNCANNY answer to my early morning cries:

September 17 - Faltering Steps

Show me Thy way, O Lord, and let us walk in Thy Paths.

You are doing so. This is the way. The way of uncertain future and faltering steps. It is My Way ...

Put all fear of the future aside. Know that you will be led. Know that you will be shown. I have promised.

Blessed be the Lord God of my master Abraham.. I, being in the way,
the Lord led me to the house of my master's brethren. - Genesis 24:27