It's kind of an interesting story: Very late one night during the dark days of my marriage, I was researching one of our main concerns online. I came across an article which gave a link to an online group of women suffering from my same concern. I joined the group. I expected to find women like me who loved their spouse and were searching for answers. With one or two exceptions, many were there to complain and speak harshly against their husbands. The love for their spouse was far gone.
One of the exceptions, I will call GB for Gratitude Buddy. She had a strong Christian faith and a searching soul. Soon we started communicating via our personal email accounts. A few times she sent me a long laundry list of her all her problems and challenges. I, feeling overwhelmed with my own challenges, told her in a personal email that I was not in a place to bear all her challenges as well. It hit a nerve. She made a farewell announcement to our online group and pulled all of her postings and left. I was devastated. I emailed her and told her how much her connection meant to me and how valuable her searching and faith in God were and that it was just that one area I needed to draw a boundary for my own personal well-being. Fortunately, she forgave me and we stayed in touch. Although, neither one of us continued our association with the online group again. A few months later, she told me she was having challenges with her Daily Gratitude partner and asked if I would be her new one. We started with 10 Daily Gratitudes which in a few days was downgraded to 3 Daily Gratitudes. (I tell you this back story only so you can see the miracles that led to us finding each other, staying in touch and eventually becoming Gratitude Buddies.)
Finding Gratitude while experiencing the most difficult time of my
life was (and continues to be) truly life changing. I started seeing Heavenly
Father's Guiding Hand in the daily stepping stones being placed in my path,
urging me forward in this journey. Some days, the miracles are huge and
undeniable. Other days, the miracles are seemingly small or even hidden . But
by doing the daily Gratitude, I am uncovering them and giving God my
sincere thanks. For me, Gratitude, has an inherent "Thanks be to
God"-ness about it. So, I see my Daily Gratitudes as direct acknowledgement
and thankfulness to God that I see Him in my life.Interestingly, I had been given a Gratitude journal from my mom for Christmas the year before my GB asked me to join her. I had only written in it a handful of times. Having a buddy to whom I had made a pact to do it, was essential for me to become consistent. I believe it is very helpful to have a live person who keeps us honest in doing it daily. For me it has been helpful to have "a stranger" - someone not so integrated in my life. For others, it might be helpful to do it with their spouse or family member or best friend. My GB is doing a shorter version (One Daily Gratitude) with her son with whom she sometimes has struggles. Whether it is a journal, a prayer, or a person, I highly recommend writing down Daily Gratitudes.
Another thing I highly recommend - adding a Gratitude specifically about your spouse or former spouse. One day after it became clear that divorce was the path my marriage would take, my GB asked if we could add one Daily Gratitude related to our spouses. I thought she must be nuts to expect me to be able to find something daily (are you kidding me?!!?!!) for which to be grateful about him. (It should be noted that she has decided to stay in her marriage at least until her children are out of the house.) So, it made sense that she do a daily gratitude, but I didn't think I needed to. However, I decided to humor her and do it anyway.
For nearly 2 1/2 years now, I have been doing Daily Gratitudes with my GB. For one year, we have been adding an additional Gratitude for our spouse - now my former spouse. This has blessed me so very much to find a Gratitude for him. I believe it is the 2nd key that has kept me in a place of love and compassion for my former spouse and out of resentment and anger (the first key being forgiveness and the Atonement). By not having entered in the vicious cycle of anger and resentment, my behaviors to him are honorable and positive, which in turn gives him the opportunity to treat me with the same respect. The result is that he is a better ex than he was a husband. We are much better friends and co-parents. It is a miracle and I credit my GB and God for it.
The final thing I want to share is that our Gratitudes evolved to contain two daily meditations. One includes a daily scripture and thought from God Calling by Two Listeners and the other is a daily quote from the book The Language of Letting Go by Melodie Beattie. These, as well, have been such a huge blessing. GB and I are very often astounded at how "meant to be" they are as they are so applicable to what we are experiencing that very day. We often use the term "uncanny" to describe how it says exactly what we need to hear that day. Hope you can also utilize one or both of these or something else that will do the same for you :)
HUGS!
ps One final note - my GB found a VB (venting buddy). For her it is a stress reliever to vent her problems and issues and she has found someone else who feels the same way. I am grateful she searched out another buddy to meet that need for her :)
No comments:
Post a Comment